


I'll Be Good

by AlexxWrites



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Kind of drarry, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:22:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26151079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexxWrites/pseuds/AlexxWrites
Summary: AU Where instead of throwing curses at one another, Draco breaks down in front of Harry in the bathroom and he vows to find out why.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 101





	I'll Be Good

**Author's Note:**

> *TW* This fic consists of a very detailed description of a severe panic attack which may be upsetting to some. Please proceed with caution. 
> 
> The title is from the Jaymes Young song I'll Be Good.

Draco burst through the bathroom door, the sound reverberating off the stone walls as he slammed it shut behind him and quickly began to search each stall. Once he was sure that he was, in fact, alone, the blonde haired Slytherin let out a shaky breath as he gripped a hand into his hair and pulled. The pain did nothing to take away from the situation, didn’t distract him from the overwhelming weight of reality as it began to crash down on top of him. 

_This is real_. 

_This is really happening_. 

On shaky legs, Draco brought himself to one of the sinks and grasped onto the sides. His vision began to go white as another wave of anxiety hit him. His heart, which seemed to be going faster and faster by the minute made it so he was sure his chest was going to combust. Maybe he’d be better off if it did. 

He was breathing even harder now, each horrible gasp louder and more frantic than the last. At some point the tears that had been welling in his eyes finally spilled over. Draco looked up into the mirror, into his own eyes, and watched as his face twisted with pain, no, with _weakness_. 

“ _This is ridiculous_ ”, he thought, the first coherent one since the feeling started. “ _I’m a Malfoy_. _I knew this was going to happen someday_.” But the anger was short lived, once again washed away by shame and guilt and every thought that he didn’t want to be thinking. 

It was the same thing, over and over and over, never letting up for even a moment, replaying in his mind. 

_You have to kill him_. 

Draco squeezed the sides of that sink like his life depended on it, his knuckles turning white from the sheer pressure.

 _You have to kill Dumbledore_. 

He let out what could only be described as a whimper, and of course it echoed off the walls, a cruel attestation of just how pathetic he truly was. How _cowardly_. The world seemed to be all but closing in around him with each passing second. 

_They’re going to kill you if you don’t_. 

That was all it took for Malfoy to stop breathing almost entirely. He went to turn on the sink so that he could splash some cold water on his face, anything to calm down, and as he did he caught a glimpse of the room behind him in the mirror. 

Harry was standing by the door, it having just swung closed behind him. He was completely frozen there, eyes wide as he took in the sight before him. 

Draco completely lost it then, what little composure he had left completely shattered as he fell to the ground. Harry was there in an instant, kneeling by Draco’s side as he openly sobbed. He hated Potter for how quickly he was willing to forget about their little rivalry, he hated him for getting to see him like this, _for even opening the damn door in the first place_ , but it was hard to be concerned with pride as Harry coaxed him into his arms. Everything that would have ever stopped him from doing so was pushed aside as Draco buried his face into his enemy’s chest and latched onto the back of his shirt, desperately searching for what stability he could get. 

“ _I can't!_ ” It was all that would come out. “ _Please...I can’t do it!_ ”

Harry cautiously placed a hand on Draco’s back, the other coming up to rest on the back of his head, and cradled him as he worked through everything. It was a while before he found the ability to breathe somewhat normally again, and eventually he sat up, rubbing his eyes of the excess tears. It was only then that Harry could get a good look at him. His face was predictably red, and the dark spots under his eyes were even bigger than usual. It wouldn’t have been surprising to hear that Draco hadn’t slept in days. He sat, knees curled up into his chest, and stared at the floor in shame, just waiting for the other man to mock him or run off to go tell everyone what he had seen. But that didn’t happen. Instead Harry placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” he said, brows furrowed with such genuine concern Draco almost didn’t recognize the emotion for so many years of neglect. 

“I can’t tell you that.” said Draco hoarsely. “Someone would know if I did.” 

“Can’t tell me what? What do you mean someone would know?” 

“Don’t you understand? I can’t tell you because something bad will happen to me if I do! I'm trapped and there’s no way out of it!” 

For a moment it looked as if Draco were about to start crying again. In his eyes Harry saw nothing but pure desperation, like a wild animal locked in a cage, begging to be let out. 

Harry looked straight into Draco’s eyes. “Malfoy, if you were ever going to listen to me, do it right now. I can help you, my friends can help you. If you’d just come to us and ask we could put everything behind us. You just need to tell me what is going on.”

Draco just went back to staring at the ground, lost in his own thoughts. Harry sighed as he stood up, holding out a hand for Draco to do the same. 

“If you can’t tell me, then fine. I’ll just have to figure it out myself.” 

With that Harry turned around and left, leaving Draco standing alone and actually somewhat hopeful, no matter how much he told himself that nothing good would come of it. He washed his face, fixed his clothes and hair, and left to go finish the rest of the day as if nothing happened. 


End file.
